How To Be Present

by Mary Gutierrez


Last September 18 Doc G left the class with the question:

What makes you present to the world and yourself?

Out of all the questions Doc G left so far, this is the one question that got me thinking and unable to resist writing about if not to least to get the question of my head. Then again to understand the implications as to why it affected me so much maybe a little introduction of sorts is required.

Hello! I’m one of your classmates and chances are you don’t know me. Not that you would considering I’ve never recited in class or talked to anyone who doesn’t talk to me first. I’m the invisible girl that is never late, never absent, never misses a requirement but still manages to blend in and disappear. I’d be graduating with most of you come 2014 and you know what, you’d probably never see me again or know that I even existed. So how do you know I was there at that moment? That I was present in class or I was your seatmate? Not to be emo or anything but I’m not the only quiet introvert in the class or in a bigger scale, the school. So how many people were you classmates with whom you’d never know or worse remember?

You see, this is where the misconceptions start. That you have to be outspoken and confident to be present and noticed. Although it is understandable because confident people are easier to spot and easier to be around with because you wouldn’t have to be as careful around them as you would have to be with a silent person. But if there is one thing I realized it is that while it may be easier to spot the leaders and confident people in parties, class discussions, and group works it doesn’t mean they are all that are the only people present. The introverts may have the tendency to blend with the shadows but once everyone is quiet, the tables turn and it would be easier to notice those who are usually quiet. Try it. It’s like they are suddenly just there quiet and composed in silence.

I’m sure everyone has already taken the MBTI personality at least once (or twice because of Gen Psych) but the thing is, it seems like a greater part of the population are actually introverts. People who might want to keep to themselves and may sometimes disappear. If I remember correctly in my block less than 10 are extroverts (then again my memory could be wrong) and considering we’re psych majors who are supposed to be studying the behaviour of others, the assumption might be that we are people persons. Still, there could be the possibility that maybe instead of studying others, psych majors are in that course to study themselves. Better yet, isn’t it the reason why every one of us is a student of this school because we haven’t realized our potentials yet? That despite the fact that we are in different courses and different specialties all of us are simply young adults whom the society deemed as legally mature (if you are at least 18) but know in ourselves that we are yet to be ready? That we don’t know enough. That we aren’t skilled enough. That we aren’t mature enough...shall I go on?

Everyone might have their own personal views on why they are not yet ready, why they’re not yet sure of what to do in life and why they are afraid to go out of school and be a part of the productive working members of the society. We have been in school for so long (almost 17 years?) that despite the claims to hate the school workload, leaving the safety of the occupation of being a student is a daunting concept. One of my psych teachers (whom I unfortunately cannot credit because I can’t remember who) wisely said: Psychology is about discovering your own weirdness and making it your strength. Still, if there is one thing I disagree about in this statement, it is the fact that the statement is not just for Psychology but for all courses. All of us feel imperfect and weird at some point (I refuse to believe Hollywood propaganda that some people are perfect) and its part of what makes us afraid. How do we go and survive outside the walls of Ateneo after with these imperfections? You make those imperfections your strengths. This is what would make you present. Both to yourself and others.

Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’m not present. Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I have nothing to say. Just because you see me as someone quiet doesn’t mean I’m not noisy when I’m with people I’m comfortable with. The common misconception is that being quiet and shy is only adorable in kids, high school would be pushing it, and if a person is already in college and still painfully quiet and shy you’d be thought of as antisocial. But my Gen Psych teacher told me it could be a kind of strength (although I still haven’t figured out how to control and use it).

So to end, maybe just as much as we have and want to be present we also need to be aware of the presence of others. According to Marcel the “I” cannot exist without the others and I agree. I mean what would be the use of being present if no one would see that you are present and an individual? But then there is another rule that I believe encompasses Marcel (no offence to Marcel) and that is the golden-and-overly-cliché: do not do to others what you do not want others to do to you. So if you want to be present it would take more than turning your weirdness into strengths but also noticing those present around you. And since being present is pretty hard (Identity vs Identity Confusion, teenagers) then do not expect that being the one looking for the presence of all the people around you would be easy.