I’m Awake Now

by Jason Dacuyan


I am not a morning person. My mind doesn’t really work during mornings. And that is precisely why ever since the first semester, Philosophy has always been a struggle for me. Although 9 am isn’t too early, what usually happens for me is that I sleep so late the night before (average is around 2am to 3am) due to studying or other acads stuff. Or sometimes, I just simply sleep late doing nothing and regret it the next day. Thus, I usually enter Philosophy class with an average of only 4-5 hours of sleep.

Now back to Philo. It’s been very hard for me to concentrate or stay awake in class given my lack of sleep almost every single meeting and our air-conditioned classroom. A lot of my notes don’t form words at all as I wrote them half asleep in class. Now what usually happens for me is that I only read the readings during orals or when we have to write reflection papers. Although in the end, my grades were okay, I think I missed out on a lot when I was half-asleep during the lectures. Aside from not studying, sleepiness is also one big reason why I never raised my hand in class at all since June. I couldn't think straight during class.

Last Christmas break, I wrote the first reflection paper. That was the first time I actually read Levinas and I really liked his philosophy. So sometime during January, I made it a point to actually listen to the remaining philo classes of the semester. However, it was still really hard to change my late sleeping so my solution was caffeine. I now make it a point to always drink coffee (or in worse cases such as having only 3 hours of sleep, I drink Cobra) before philo class in order for me to digest the topic being discussed. As a consequence of my late sleeping, I come to class late, a lot. As proof, 5 out of my 6 cuts (yes, my cuts are maxed out) in philo consist of lates so that’s around 10 lates (I’m usually 5-10 minutes late).

My 6th cut happened around mid-February ad that was my turning point. That meant I could not be late to class anymore. That meant I had to try to sleep earlier. That meant I had to wake up earlier. And, it did work. I was able to at least sleep earlier and have enough sleep for philo class. Thankfully, I was never tardy again or I would’ve been in danger of overcutting. From this turning point, I started to take down notes from lectures and slowly read the Levinas interview and the ring-bound Levinas readings compilation book (the readings are actually really helpful!).

Right now, as we’re about to have our last philosophy class of the semester, I think I’m awake now. Having read and reflected so much these past days on Levinas, I think my il y a is over. And as a side comment, I really think Levinas’ ideas are compelling. Although very idealistic, it sets a good moral foundation for us he explains that we have this infinite responsibility to the Other and other Others that is economic and earthly and is experienced through the epiphany of the Face which is a breakaway from our natural attitude of being “I-centered”. And in simple terms, I think what Levinas is really saying is this: “Be good”. And I really think I am going to carry these ideas my whole life. Oh well, nothing wrong with that.

I guess that ends this entry. I’m awake now.