Last week, we had a topic about the I and the Other, but this time it was in relation to the Parent (Mother or Father) and to their Child (Son or Daughter). It really made me think about my given path in life. Is what I’m doing in my life what I really want? Is this the right choice I’m making? Or is it because my parents forced me to do so?
My dad is a businessman and my mom was a chef, but instead of choosing the same path they took, I believe that my rightful place is to become a doctor. My parents fully support me on this journey and choice that I’ve made and they’ve allowed me to grow in many ways possible. I just can’t imagine what would it be like if they hindered me from choosing this path and becoming something else or even forcing me to follow in their footsteps. I see though that some of my friends don’t have the liberty and freedom to choose what they want to be when they get older. Sometimes, even the parents don’t support them for their decisions. Parents force their kids to take college degrees and job choices that the parents want them to be and not allowing their child to choose. It is somewhat like the parents are imaging and making them a shadow of themselves. This should not be the case.
Parents should learn to let go and to allow their child to choose what they want to do in their lives. Forcing them to choose something that they aren't will just make them depressed and miserable. Parents should let their kids become something great in their lives, maybe even becoming something better or more successful than themselves. The best thing that a mom and/or dad can do is to simply support them on their journey. No matter how hard or rough it may seem, even if they make mistakes, parents should always believe in their children that they could be something more.
Sometimes though, it just boils down to not being something more but more on a matter of being something else.
ReplyDelete"You will succeed my legacy" or "Strive for Greatness and Surpass me" is oft words given by a father to his son. This brings a view that the son is a mere extension of the father. Perhaps due to staggering at the legacy entrusted to him or downright dislike for the path set for him, the son often gets into a conflict with the father and ties and strained and at worst, broken.
It's as you said, parents project their children as a shadow of themselves. Claims of "I know what's best for you" often comes up as a justification, but do note the term "I" in that statement. I'd rather not repeat the lessons and discussions in class so I assume that we all know the implications and intricacies of "I" in this context. Granted, the child is fact originated from the parent, but what they aren't is an extension of the parent. They are their own separate entities. The parents role is to lay out possibilities and gently nudge the child as they form their own paths. I suppose it's a responsibility for the parent to raise the child. To raise as in not to lay out the whole life plan of the child but rather, to help strengthen the child, to help them see possibilities and to be there for them.
- Jul Jasper Constantino (C)
I thought of the famous lines, "it runs in the family", and "kung anong puno siyang bunga". Not only parents but our society has been in the almost automatic habit of associating a person with his family when in fact, as Jul said, we can be someone else beyond our last names. Still, there is nothing that can tie a person down to certain expectations, characteristics and capabilities, not even genes. We should all try to encounter others in "a clean slate", no stereotypes, no associations. -Nicole Nuguid, Ph 102 C
ReplyDeleteIf it ain't broke don't change it. This is what I think parents tend to think whenever they force their kids to take the same path the took. It's like they don't want to take a risk in their children and follow the same formula to "success" instead. If this is the case, kids themselves are being treated as more of possession rather than offspring. Automatically, there is no room for improvement. Wouldn't it be nice to think that a doctor would be born out of a businessman and a chef? This thinking undoes the very Philosophy we are trying to learn and as students, we must try our very best to become more of what our parents have instilled on us.
ReplyDeleteMar Tan - PH 102 (A)
I agree with everything that you have said and I commend you for following your vocation. Also, it is admirable that your parents fully support your decision in your journey. Fortunately for me, I didn't have to go through the same problems as the other people and like you, my parents support me in whatever I do. However, I also have friends who have to let go of their dreams and aspirations just because of their parents. It might seem unfair, but I think our parents just want the best for us even if it is different from what we want. Nevertheless, parents should still be able to learn how to see others as Face, especially their own children. They need to see the potential that their children have and they shouldn't restrict them from achieving whatever they want.
ReplyDeleteRobert Go
Ph102 A
I agree with the points you emphasized here. Parents should not totalize their children in any way as children, in as much as they are related to the parent, actually has his or her own identity and uniqueness. The children actually have their own dreams and aspirations and parents should not hinder them from finding their purpose in life by imposing what course to take. On the contrary, parents should actually guide their children and support them in whatever they wish to pursue so as to enable them to grow.
ReplyDeleteJohann Pe
Ph 102 Section A
This definitely reminds me of my college application days. There was definitely a lot of pressure on me and most of my classmates to pass a certain college and take up courses that our parents agreed upon. Luckily for me, I've always wanted to study business so it just a matter of getting into a good college. I felt bad for my other classmates who had to choose between their passion or their parents' approval. Levinas teaches us to never objectify the other. When the times comes that i become a mother, i would never force my child to become someone that he isn't. I would push him to find his passion and always stay true to himself.
ReplyDelete-Genica Lim (C)
I agree with your optimistic point of view in life. But I understand why parents try to control their children. They send their children to college in order to have a sustainable living after. In the Philippines, arts are not really very much appreciated. There is a very concentrated niche for classical piano, for example. I guess parents just have more idea of what the "real heartless world" is like, and they are just trying to guide their children. But maybe the most they can do is to suggest and explain clearly their points. After all, a child has his own identity, and therefore should not be totalized. I guess that's where the parents' mistake comes in, when they begin to force their will upon their children's life. Note that this does not only happen in college courses, but in career paths and marriages too. All for the same reason. Somehow, they just lack the ability to express it nicely, I guess.
ReplyDeleteKate Bonamy
Ph102 A
After all, realistically speaking, everyone needs to make a living to survive. it is just a matter of what is enough for you.
DeleteI agree that parents should let their children choose their own paths in life but I can't help thinking that maybe parents just want to protect their children from the uncertainty brought about by choosing a different path. After all, they've gone through the same thing we're going through now. I don't think it's hard for them to remember what it was like to want to choose their own paths in life. Maybe what they experienced was just fear, which caused them to be more over-protective towards their children. The only way to reach a compromise is by starting to look at the situation from not only your side but also from their side. Talk about it and try to understand what the other is saying.
ReplyDeleteJan Weslee Lim
PH 102 C
Sometimes, our parents would say that they do what they do because they know what’s best for us, that this is what will make us prosperous when we grow up. For example, we may want to take a humanities course but rather than supporting us, they ask us to instead take up a business course. When we look at it from one perspective, they’re often right. After all, they’ve lived longer, experienced more, and thus, know more about life. However, they should also respect the decisions of their children and try not to impose. If this is where our passion lies and this is what will make us happy in life, then our parents should support us all the way. As children, on the other hand, we shouldn’t just get mad at them or rebel if they try to impose, we talk it out with them and hopefully, they’ll accept our side and learn to let us go.
ReplyDeleteMarika King
PH102 - A