The Exigency of Transcendence

by Mikka Aquino

23 August 2012

Discussed Text: Gabriel Marcel, The Mystery of Being

There are certain events in our lives that are out of our control. These range from small moments to big moments that could instantly change the way we live our lives. They could come in the form of small realizations that urge the person to make a sudden judgment or action, or big events that are turning points that jar a person awake and into a kind of reality that they must face. In these moments, we may come to realize our own incompleteness – the lack in ourselves. We don’t even need to look too far away for us to discover things; if we look deeper into our own being, we’ll find something new, something we have overlooked or taken for granted.

This sudden realization of the flaws will stir unease and dissatisfaction within us, creating a yearning for completion, for the attainment of that one true Desire. In such moments, we are no longer simple people. We become aware of ourselves being aware, and in so doing, we may hopefully go beyond what is there, reaching forth and yearning to be what we would deem ‘perfect.’

Such is the exigency of transcendence.

Personally, I have come across certain tragedies that at some point in my life, I perceived them to be far greater than myself. They’re one of those moments that will forever leave you feeling amiss, or just put you into this state of perpetual questioning and wonder, perhaps even fear. I may even say that such experiences have left their holes in me. Whether they can be fully healed or simply covered beneath a patch, I am unsure. These are permanent, life changing events and I would be foolish to think that these could be brushed aside, as if I was left unchanged and unaffected. I will not stipulate what these are – suffice to say that these are losses- but these big things and even small things have helped shape who I am now. It was not by circumstance alone that I was shaped, but by the decisions I made as a response to that circumstance.

This response I had was something that I gave out of the need to be something else, something more than what I used to be. Regressing or even remaining the same after such tragic events would only serve to ruin me, to lead me further down and away into decrepitude. Obviously, I will not be doing myself any good. I will not be doing anyone any good, if I let myself waste away. And this desire to become more is not something that I could copy off of other people. It’s something that only I was capable of conceiving, for in the end, it’ll only be me who is accountable for the deeds I’ve done and for the person I’ve become. No one could have taught me what to do about such experiences, much as I would have liked someone to have told me how I could have survived better. Alas, life is not meant to be a how-to process. If that were the case, then there would be no point to life, for one would have just lived someone else's experiences.

Although this is a personal experience, it does not mean that it is a selfish one. For me, I wanted to move on, be stronger, be a better me because I wanted to, I needed to and I knew there were others who needed me to be stronger. It’ll never be just a personal experience for me, or for anyone. It will always be an experience that is tied to others. I’d like to think of it in this way: We can affirm, through other people, that we have changed, that we have done something good and that we have become more. We won’t see it for ourselves, not initially. It’s only when we see how our actions and how we as persons have affected people that we know who we are or what we’ve actually done.

That’s why we can’t be alone. It’s through other people that we exist, that we know that we exist. And it is through us that others come to be as well.

I think that these are things that we cannot force upon ourselves. It’s a demand, yes but it is a demand that comes from some unexpected occurrence. I think we need to be caught off guard for us to realize that there are holes in ourselves that we need to fill up. Moments like these humble us for it is when we become vulnerable to the elements, to circumstance, and to other people and even to our own scrutiny.

And I think it is a beautiful thing to realize that you’re incomplete, to realize that you’re flawed or ill-equipped to face a certain situation. It’s only when you see the bad side of things that you can fully appreciate what is good and beautiful about it, about you. It is only within that moment of weakness that we can find ourselves learning to be strong. Again, whatever we realize, whatever epiphany we have about ourselves, it’ll never be far removed from what is there within us or from what we have experienced. That being said, I think we shouldn’t be afraid to accept what horrors lurk beneath our skins, or what pockmarks we find upon our surfaces; we shouldn’t be afraid to question and to know ourselves more. It’s like mining – if you dig deep enough, you would have eventually struck gold.