Thursday, February 20, 2014

I'm Never Going To Do Long Distance


It’s so easy to say, “I’m never going to do long distance.” There’s no way it could ever work, right? It isn’t worth staying up late, or having meaningless Skype dates, and of course, dealing with slutty members of the opposite sex. It’s hard, stressful, tiring, and really demanding. Why would you want to do that to yourself? Isn’t it better to leave things while they’re good rather than stretch it out too far and hate each other in the end?

I used to think that way. I used to think so negatively of long distance relationships especially since I am an impatient and somewhat jealous person. I like seeing the people I love, and spending quality time with them. Because of that, I knew that personally I could never be a long-distance girlfriend. I felt like too much effort had to be put into it to make it work, and the rewards didn’t even match up.

But as usual, things never turn out the way we want them to. We don’t plan for most of the things that happen in our lives. However, when things get hard, I guess that love, as cheesy as it sounds, becomes the biggest driving force in our lives. It blocks all logic and reason, and gives us the strength to do the things we never thought we could do.

Because of long distance, I learned that I could be patient and a lot less jealous. Skype dates are fun, but of course girls, from whatever corner of the world, are still really slutty. There’s nothing I can do about that. However, what I was able to control was myself. I gave myself room to grow, and it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I became more independent, more trusting, and more appreciative of the little things that make relationships so incredibly beautiful.

Still, some days are harder than others. And I’m still constantly trying to find my way. But I’m learning a whole new angle of how love can be. It’s not seeing each other everyday, or having the same friends, and knowing everything about one another at the exact moment it happened. It’s about sacrifice, maturity, patience, trust, loyalty, and mystery.

It’s so easy to say, “I’m never going to do long distance.” And the truth is that it can actually physically hurt to miss someone. But I have learned that it can also be loving, mature, beautiful, and rewarding. No love is perfect, and distance can be a bitch, but in the end, love is always worth it.

9 comments:

  1. Really good read! Especially for me since I'll be going through it in a couple of months haha. Been through 2 of them before, didn't work out but I never stopped believing that it could work cause I have so many other friends who survived being apart for 8-10 years. What's important for LDR couples is that they both have the same goal towards the relationship, and while they're apart, they give each other room to breathe and grow and that each individual should not hinder the other. Also, it helps that you have something to do that you really love and that the other supports it, it makes time go by faster and it's also important to realise that no matter what mood you're in for the day, if you're angry at the person, or sad or tired of the fights, is that you made a commitment to stay with this person. It's always a choice to be strong and stay with someone, it's never been a "I'm leaving just because I don't want this anymore" because in truth, that statement really says "I'm leaving because I CHOOSE not to want this anymore." Sorry I'm saying so many things about this, haha. But thanks for this blog post!!

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  2. Yup! It's such an amazing feat to be able to survive that. Your relationship will be stronger when you're reunited. It makes you almost believe that your relationship can handle anything. Of course there is no assurance but relations grow through challenges like that. I went through a long distance relationship too except I was the one who went away. There are many things i realized but i think one of the most important things is being surprised-- in a sense that wow somebody loves me so much he's willing to go through that for me. I have always been used to long distance relationships-- i grew up here in Manila while my mom stayed in the province and would only visit me once or twice a month. One the other hand, my boyfriend has never really been away from his loved ones for a long time so it was really more difficult for him. So good job too you-- i will forever respect and be amazed by all those guys/girls who let their partners go and wait for them to come back. I really don't believe in breaking up because of distance (unless it's the type wherein your partner will never ever come back), i feel it's defeatist-- it must mean that your love and commitment is not strong enough since you're not even willing to try.

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  3. Being able to sacrifice oneself's comforts is an act of real love. Just like what we have always been talking about in class, love is about being able to forget about yourself and focus towards the other. We should remember that the person that we love is a human being not an object and we should let her grow and experience the world. As for ourselves, love is being interested on their otherness. It should not be selfish. So even if you don't want to have the set up of LDR that you have, you did the best thing you can. I remember the article by John S. Peck "what is love" and it says there that love is not love if it hurts. Yes, love should not hurt because if we really love the person, making her grow would also make us more mature, and more human. It should not hurt rather, it should culminate in growth, just like what you have experienced through the time you've been on that LLDR. Not only has it make you become stronger, it has opened your mind and has rewarded you by saving your relatiship.

    Mar Tan - PH 102 (A)

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  5. I do agree with what mao said, love is really about sacrifice. It is allowing the Other to grow apart from you, even if you do not want to leave that person or want that person to leave you, one can't be selfish when it comes to love as in loving someone, it is not about us. Like what Dr. Garcia said, sometimes the best relationship is when you both have separate lives and can actually live without always being by that person's side. We cant always cling to that person, we should also allow him to grow outside of the relationship.

    Frenchi Baluyot (A)

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  6. Sometimes, the more it hurts, the more you love, because that means you poured more of yourself out to the Other. As you said, why would one stress one's self for such relationship? Yet, love entails putting the Other's welfare over your own, going away from SELF preservation and SELF happiness. In the first place, why do we miss someone so badly? Often, what we miss is really the physical companionship, the physical presence. It feels good to be physically with someone from time to time, to be cuddled, to be hugged or held, to have someone you eat with, etc. But true love transcends the physical. True love is what remains when you no longer physically have each other beside you. :) -Nicole Nuguid, Ph 102 C

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  7. I love how you were able to see things from a different angle despite the beliefs you had about long distance relationships before. I believe it's sometimes best to remove ourselves from the situation to be able to see things more clearly. There are times wherein our preconceived notions of things hinder us from looking at things objectively. This is why Descartes asks us to brush aside our beliefs and start with a clean slate. I also love how your perception of love has changed because you chose to try long distance. I've always believed that love is a choice we have to make everyday and that real love begins when we put the Other before ourselves.

    - Genica Lim (C)

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  8. It is beautiful what you have learned from love. As discussed in Theology, love is directed towards growth or becoming a better person. Having said that, it entails work. In love,your boundaries are stretched. In that kind of relationship, you are required of more discipline, I guess. So, it is great that your limitations are being expanded, which fulfills the very essence of true love.

    Kate Bonamy
    Ph102 A

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  9. I thought absence made the heart grow fonder so it's only natural that your love for the other person would be better as long as you never have a reason to doubt each other. Doubt can really do a number on your relationship. However, having trust and faith might just get you through this trial time.

    Jan Weslee Lim
    PH 102 C

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