Ambition

by Dave Au

27 November 2012
Discussed Text: Levinas, "It Is There," Ethics and Infinity


Remember the time when we were kids and were asked what we wanted to be by the grown-ups, we answered them that we wanted to become either policemen/policewomen, firefighters, soldiers, doctors, engineers or even the long-shot dream of becoming a superhero? And as we wanted to save the day, make the world a better place and do a whole lot of good, we did so with wholehearted concern for the other, and as we were asked why, we said that it was the right thing to do.

When did it become so complicated?

During a class discussion led by Sir Earl, Dr. Garcia's teaching assistant, a question was thrown at us: What is it to live an authentic life? Answers came flying from various seats in the lecture hall. Although most of them varied and the class was creative in coming up with their own unique answers, a recurring trend seemed to pervade no matter how well thought out the answer was. All of their answers seemed to be solely focused on the self, the I, the ME, MINE.

Coming from the lectures and discussions held during the class, I pieced together the concept of Il y a in my own opinion as a lethargy, a form of contentment, the absence of willpower, the abstinence from struggle. Further explained, it is something that hampers, an obstruction. It is something that holds us back, an indecisiveness. It is something that we create, whether unintentionally or of our own volition.

I grew up as a kid watching the series CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, and not a week would go by without me watching a couple of episodes. I was enthralled with how the protagonists piece together a crime just solely on the evidence and testimony, and how they strive to bring justice to both victim and perpetrator. Although I knew that the show was merely a work of fiction, I couldn't help but feel that some part of me was being spurned on by the idea of bringing justice to those who are wronged, to those who are helpless. Before I knew it, I decided on the ambition that I was to study criminology and work on a career in forensics.

But not everything goes as planned.

When I was nearing graduation from high school I was confronted by my father about my choices. He said that I should pick a course that would bring food to the table, and that I shouldn't chase a childish ambition. We argued back and forth, but after a while I eventually conceded. I put my dreams aside to study Management Economics, one his chosen courses for me.

It seems that as we grow up we are eventually faced with the conundrum of giving up our idealized, righteous ambitions for the sake of enriching ourselves and ourselves only. As we grow older, we become content with meeting only our needs, instead of helping people. We start to focus on getting what we want instead of sharing what we have with the other. We learn to distance ourselves from those persons who need our care, and  we teach ourselves to become afraid of reaching out to the other. Eventually we start living a selfish and inauthentic life with our hearts closed off from the world, Il y a-ing ourselves away.

This is why we don't feel the slightest bit disturbed when we hear about the murder of a man being reported in the news. We've become so entrenched in apathy that we become desensitized. Every tragedy just feels distant, so distant that we don't even give a  single thought of reflection towards it. This is worlds apart from the poem that Dr. Garcia religiously prescribes to us at the start of every meeting, that every man is part of the mainland, and each of their death diminishes our being.

So what can we do to live authentically? For one we need to get off our high horse and realize that we are not the center of the universe. We need to push down the Il y a  and stop just being content with putting our own desires first. We are called upon to transcend our boundaries, to go out of our comfort zone. We are called upon to meet the needs of the other, not just our own. One concept that I learned from one of my other classes, Theology 131, is that love is a circular process. In loving the other we learn to love ourselves, and we enrich both ourselves and the other. Thus, in doing so we destroy the constraints that we have made for ourselves, and we are liberated from the ll y a. This task may not seem easy for everyone to undertake, but struggling is a natural part of our humanity, and it is this very challenge that affirms our existence.