Mulan

by Chris Estrada

What is reflection? Allow me to tear a page out of sir’s book by defining the word through its etymology. The word reflection comes from two Latin wordsre- "back"  and flectere "to bend". To put it in another way, reflection means that we look back on a certain thing or ponder on a certain problem that we are facing.

Allow me to reflect for the moment. In order for one to reflect on something, he must first find a problem that is worthy of putting his thoughts into. At the moment, my main concern is the smothering of my friends. At times, I feel as though I’m usually with friends. Most of the time, I don’t have much time for myself. There are times when I even sacrifice my study time because a certain friend has abandonment issues or another friend is spazzing about this new girl in the org. I feel as though there’s not enough time to just unwind from my already busy schedule. I find myself obligated to cater to my friends’ needs all the time.

I then ask myself why I try so hard to cater to my friends’ needs? I ask myself, “Why do you sacrifice you time and effort for them at your own expense.” I’ve been asking myself this, and only one answer keeps popping up: I know what it feels like to be abandoned. I know how it feels like to be abandoned by someone you care about, and how a void is created that just can’t be filled. I know the feeling of betrayal when most of the people you respected and trusted just decide to find another person to replace you. The pain is unbearable, maddening even. It is not something that should be experienced by anyone. Ever. I take this as the most logical cause of my sacrifice. It may sound arrogant, but it’s the best answer at the moment.

This need to not let anyone feel abandoned or manipulated however does not excuse my over-extending to others. I am still a self that must not be seen as an expendable means to an end. I am a being of intelligence and worth, and I myself must recognize this. I must treat myself the way I treat others because at the moment, I can feel depression and fatigue kicking in. I must convert myself. Become someone different because by doing so, I can become a better person who can help more people.


Some people believe that reflection is the anti-thesis of living. By reflecting, you stay in one place, and not really enjoy the present. You remain stuck in the past until you finish your reflection. I say different. Living does not rely solely on the present. The past is also an important factor in living as there is experience accumulated from it, and this experience helps us make the right choice in the present.