by Kyla Relucio
In recent classes we’ve had in Philosophy, we’ve been talking about a Philosophy of Yes, “saying no to saying no”. Life will always be full of surprises. Sometimes these surprises make me realize how lucky and blessed I am. Yet other times, these surprises leave me feeling stuck, feeling the difficulty of being. When this happens, this whole idea of “saying no to saying no” becomes more than just a concept we are enlightened with in class. It becomes the challenge. It becomes my goal.
I am a Taekwondo jin and last Wednesday was the last day of UAAP Season 76 for Taekwondo. Let me begin by saying it did not end the way I wanted it to. Although the women’s team was able to rise from 7th place to 5th place, I expected more from myself. My matches were all close fights, just a point or two away from winning but for some reason I faced defeat. For some reason, that ideal game I had in mind did not transpire. There it was, the gap between what I would like to do and what I have done. I hate it. It hurts. I’ve asked myself again and again why this has to exist? And even until now, there are no answers.
I believe that it is in this point of our lives, when we are feeling stuck that we are most challenged to “say no to saying no”. It is when we feel this gap the most that we must try our hardest not to give up. For some this challenge exists everyday but for some it may come only occasionally. If you ask me, this challenge continually and consistently arises in our lives but we are unaware of this. Everyday, we must decide, will it be a “yes” or will it be a “no”. However, it is only when it is most difficult to decide do we become conscious of that freedom we have to choose.
Hence, I would like to propose that despite not knowing why this gap exists, we must always try our best to understand how we could confront this prevailing gap in our lives.
First. We need to be aware that we have ALWAYS had the choice. We need stop taking this freedom to choose for granted. We need to be conscious of the fact that ever day we are bombarded with opportunities to say yes or to say no. If we are more aware of this fact, it would be easier to understand the consequences and the ripple effects of our choices, making it easier for us to see what we can gain or lose from our yes or no, making it easier to see that it is absolutely up to us to close the void between what we want to be and who we currently are.
Second. Do not make saying no a habit. Believe it or not our decision today will most likely be similar to our decisions tomorrow. The exception however is if we make the extra effort to change the way we decide and the way we choose. If we wake up in the morning and say “yes, I will make sure that today will be better,” chances are today will really be better and this will most likely be the same if you wake up the same way every single day. On the other hand, if you say no once, what makes you think you wont say no again? When we are faced with various opportunities every day, and we immediately say no to these chances we are given, it wont be so difficult to say no again. Once this becomes a habit, we miss out on an opportunity to learn, to grow, to become better.
Lastly, We need to try our best to finish what we started. Sometimes we are on track with our lives. We are on the way to being able to be what we want to be. This track however isn’t always easy. Sometimes we need to face difficulties but these difficulties must not stop us and make us turn back. These difficulties must push us harder and motivate us to just keep going. We need to be strong, brave and tough. We need to consistently say yes to the yes we committed to in the very start because only by doing this will we be able to slowly fill the void between what we want to be and who we are.
As human beings, our being finite is not an indication that we cannot do everything. It is not an indication of our weakness and possible shortcomings. In my opinion, our finitude signifies our capacity to overcome life Being human is about being able to stand up no matter how badly we’ve fallen down. Being human is about waking up every morning with the urge to say yes despite how painful it can be, in the hopes that even just for a while our fumbling human ways have helped fill that void in our lives, that gap between who we want to be and who we already are.
As I face the last few days of this semester, I dedicate and offer myself to the commitment of “saying no to saying no”.
As I read this blog post, I realized also that perhaps saying "yes" is not always positive and that saying "no" doesn't have to be a negative thing all the time.
ReplyDeleteLook at the case of the Yes Man. He is the kind of guy who would say "Yes!" to everything: "Do you want to do the dishes tomorrow night?" "Yes, mom!" "Do you want to hang out at Bob's tomorrow? We'll play video games then order pizza for dinner." "Yeah dude, of course!" "Do you want to head this project in our org?" "Yeah, why not?" "Do you want to do this extra credit assignment so you can pass class?" "Yes, sir."
When we say "yes," we affirm; we affirm that we are committed to our student organizations, we affirm that we are students who need to submit requirements to our professors, we affirm that we must be a friend to our friends, we affirm that we are the children of our parents. In short, we affirm that we are human beings. However, the danger of always saying "yes" is the tendency to misinterpret confirmation of our true selves with confusion.
The Yes Man tends to think that because to be human also means to exist for others, he must try to be everything all the time, say yes to everyone and to everything even if it hurts him, or his schedule, already. The problem with always saying "yes" without due process of thinking is that we end up denying ourselves and others the full capacity we could have had offered them had we not been preoccupied with everything else.
With that said, the Yes Man could change this by saying "no:" "Sorry dude, I can't go to Bob's tomorrow because I told my mom I'll do the dishes. But maybe we can hang out the day after tomorrow?" "Sorry, I can't head this project because I'm failing class and I need to submit my extra credit assignment. I can head that project set to occur in four months though!"
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that sometimes, when we say "yes," we end up putting ourselves in a corner, trapped. Meanwhile, sometimes, when we say "no," we end up saying "yes" in the long run. There are "no's" that open us to more "yes-es," to more possibilities, to more opportunities for us to pursue our personal quests to be human.
Mara Cepeda
Section C
"Everyday, we must decide, will it be a “yes” or will it be a “no”. However, it is only when it is most difficult to decide do we become conscious of that freedom we have to choose."
ReplyDeleteFrom the very beginning of class when we discussed David Foster Wallace, I've always been struck that part of doing philosophy is choosing what to think. This isn't something new; we've heard of this quote many times, but during the times when we feel down or stuck, this freedom to choose really become a challenge.
After reading this blog post, I remember that famous line from Lion King: "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." This semester has really been a struggle for me, acads and org-wise. It's like every day I have to motivate myself not to give up. I often get depressed when I try to see myself, because there's this huge gap of the 'ideal me' that I imagined I would be when I first entered Ateneo, and the 'actual me' that is existing right now. I wonder if I had made myself stuck by saying "yes" to so many org projects just because I want to feel that I belong in this org. In acads, I didn't expect college would be a breeze but I didn't foresee either that it would be so difficult. I feel the pressure pushing me down heavily every day, and sometimes I feel I've already adopted learned helplessness, and yet time and time again I get reminded of how long I've struggled to be here, and I feel like I owe it to myself to finish what I started. Whatever happens, I want to be able to say that I did my best. Every day I feel tempted to give up, but I will always try to say no to saying no.
Thank you for this blog post, Kyla. :) I admire your strength and perseverance. It's because of people like you that I'm inspired not to give up. We'll make it through. >:D<
Jeanne Peralta
Section A
After reading both your blog and Mara's comment about the "Yes Man", I'm reminded of my first year in college, where a lot of people from my block were from AHS. I became close to one guy, who had this philosophy of being a yes man. He would pretty much say yes to everything, and I'd end up joining him too.
ReplyDeleteBut now after growing a bit, having experienced a bit of the world and of college, saying yes to everything isn't always the best thing to do. Sometimes, you end up being stretched for too thin. Now that we're growing older, we have to be sensible and learn to say no. This is what I learned to do. I learned to say no to things.
My only fear with this is that sometimes, I might be saying no too much. No to going out with my family because I'm going out with my friends, no to going out of the city because I have to do this for my org, and others. By saying no too much, you might be shutting yourself from experiences you can learn and grow from. I want to be able to say yes and no in the right times. I guess that in order to do this, it's really important to know what we want with our lives, and know the sacrifices involved in our decisions. As DFW says, it's really hard to change this attitude of looking at the world and be critical about what we perceive and how we look at our experiences, but we can do it. Although all of us just want to make our lives better, it's really hard to balance it out. Sometimes, we might even have to make sacrifices. Building on what Mara said, I think that there should still be a "yes man" attitude, but tempered with choosing our decisions wisely, not shutting ourselves out from the world but choosing where our passions lie and pursuing them. It is this pursuit that will make our lives more meaningful and worth it.
Miguel Co
Section A
I agree with you as you point out that the difficulties transform us into stronger, braver, tougher people. My TH131 professor quoted a famous person, "Everyone was either in crisis, is in crisis or is going to be in crisis." We are all in one of the three stages. We are still young people, and haven't probably had big problems that our moms and dads are having now. Most of our problems are from academics and our social circle. But problems are still problems. Even if they seem shallow and trivial, the way we solve these problems shape the way we think, the way we act, the way we live. Saying no to saying no is definitely one of my favorite lines now! It's easier to say no because we don't have to do anything. We may think because we're not doing anything, we may be free and full of energy. But in fact, this will drain us out. As you've said we will become less human if we don't say yes and make that particular count. We will lose the inspiration to live.
ReplyDeleteLaura Hein (A)
I like how you said that life will always be full of surprises, sometimes it might leave us in a state of eternal bliss but other times we can fall into deep depression. However, I think that it is in fact in a matter of perspective on how we do choose to see life. Philosophy precisely allows us to see the world in a new light, from a different perspective, and thus, brings us into this new reality. I really learned a lot from our philosophy class as it truly engages me more in life and I find it very fascinating how we are all actually transformed by it :) Now, we all strive to be better persons, we choose to see the ups instead of our downs and we fight for our "yeses". Life, indeed, may take us to places where we do not expect to go but I think that it does this for a definite reason. All our experiences in the end, no matter how bad or good, make us who we are as a whole and this is precisely the beauty of experience and life.
ReplyDeleteFrenchi Baluyot (A)
I love how you continuously push yourself to say "Yes", despite all the disappointment you've had. However, we must also remember to not be so hard on ourselves for making mistakes. It's all a matter of perspective. We become more and more of ourselves as each day passes and our mistakes are a huge part of that. Sometimes, it take a huge setback to remind us of what truly matters. Because each time you disappoint yourself and say no, don't forget that you can still say yes! Don't ever forget that you've only really failed when you've accepted defeat. As the saying goes, "Fail. Fair again. Fail harder."
ReplyDeleteI agree with most of the things written here. Our non-infinitude, actually, makes us think. We think because we do not know much. We are curious because we are limited. When I was a young boy, I used to break my toys just to ease my questions of what makes those toys work. Our limitations are actually our strength. What limits us is what makes us know what we do not know. When we know our limitations, we can learn more about ourselves and be able to capitalize on the fact that we can improve on the things we know, and veer away from the things we don't know about (for efficiency sake). Everyone in the world is different with different aspirations, dreams, goals and strengths. By knowing who knows what, we could capitalize on this also by using them to do what we do not know how to do (again for efficiency sake). Therefore, by knowing that other people know what you don't know, their "YES" becomes your "YES" as well, even though you don't know all about the topic. Like in business and accounting, managers, who aren't good in math, hire accountants to do their accounting for them. By gathering people who can say "YES" to YOUR "NO", failure will lessen. This is a very pettifogger-like statement, but hey, efficiency is what makes this world go round, because we are limited, and we are not 100% efficient.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, on the other hand, "NO" also is an important word that we can use to make out of our limitations. If Nikola Tesla said yes to T. Edison's pressure against his Alternating Current concept and bowed to the latter's pressure, most the world now might still be groping in the dark or the idea might have been postponed for a longer period of time and most of the technologies we have today might have not yet discovered or invented as of this writing.
Menardo Miguel Jimenez (A)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, one should always strike a balance between the actual saying of yes, as well as to the actual saying of no. This would then lead to decision points, of careful scrutinizing of our choices, as well as the effects that might come after them. But then again, I must give a caution in choosing between the two. For me, it is really rational to think whether we say yes or no, to the circumstances we are about to face. Whether its saying no to defeat, no to giving up or saying yes to joy, yes to risks, yes to life--- we are making a choice. And in the process of making a choice, we are to reflect-- really dig down deep on what we are to want in life. But the caution lies in getting stuck in these choices and being idle in them. Added to this, caution lies in our feelings of limitations, our feelings of being finite human beings. With this, there is a real calling in reflecting. What choice do we make? What type of ''no" do we say? Are we using it in the right context? Am I saying "No" to the right things?
ReplyDeleteDenise Tan (A)
This post very much reminded me of my practice in Yoga. There are days wherein i simply cannot make it point to drag myself out of bed and go to practice however, in the process of saying Yes or No, i remind myself that every practice is a commitment and saying yes or no and what is truly better, can only be determined by me and no one else. It is by listening that we push all the negative thoughts, anticipations, weariness and fear that we allow ourselves to find which is "right". Yoga is a practice of being close to yourself no matter what is going on around you and i think this is the beauty of yoga. Behind all the physical benefits, it acquaints us to know ourselves more deeply with each practice, each pose, and each drop of sweat. It teaches us to refrain from competing with the practicioners learn the more important things in life like- it's okay not to know everything, it's okay to make mistakes, and it's best to learn not by yourself but with the company of others that make learning all the more more meaningful.The task to remember is what we are learning/ teaching and why, and forgive ourselves when we momentarily forget. This way, we can make a sound choice of truly saying Yes or No.
ReplyDeleteYzabelle Siy (A)