by Agassi Adre
Disclaimer: I would like to apologize to my friends, acquaintances, and all the people who kinda know me beforehand, for this is quite a testy topic that involves them. To these people: though initially true, I had come to like you guys and enjoy your company. So for the sake of benefiting from this reflection, give this one to me. Also, I hope that this does not taint your image of me that much. And to people who do not yet know me: let this not be a hindrance to our future meetings, this is my coping mechanism to overcome my social anxiety, and I hope that this does not make you hate me.
I've got a confession to make: I hated you when I first met you. We may be friends now, but when we first met, I had an incredible dislike (because maybe 'hate' is such a strong and possibly toxic word) for you. It wasn't because of how you dressed, or how you looked, or how you spoke, or how you presented yourself, but because this is how I am. The default setting for my brain when meeting new people is to categorize them as someone I wouldn't want to spend any time with. I don't care if a mutual friend introduces us or if your reputation precedes you, when I first meet you, I detest you.
In a way, this initial reaction I have towards people helps me see the world in a 'category-less' way. I don't care if you're a beggar or a politician, I loathe you from the start if we ever meet face to face. We've talked so much about being 'social' and 'sosyal', and maybe - and forgive me for being pretentious - this method that I use is a good way to be social. See, I do away with all the flair in meeting anyone: I rarely am awed or shocked by the image anyone presents, be it powerful and influential or meek and humble. Simply put, I don't really care who you are (unless you're uber famous like Emma Watson or Barack Obama or anyone of their caliber), and this then forces me to get to know you so as to debunk my antagonism towards you.
And as I am forced to get to know anyone better, I slowly develop an understanding of people that has so much clarity. I don't put anyone up on a pedestal nor look down on them, and this allows me to see you according to how I see everyone else: a human being. Maybe at this point, I should add that not only do I hate people on the first meeting, I also hate human beings in general (and yes, that includes me), for we are such unfathomable creatures that is so mind-boggling-ly paradoxical that it irritates me (and yes, once again, this applies to myself too). See, since I only categorize people as human beings, and not due to their social status or any other categories, the people I meet become, first and foremost, subjects to me: something outside of me that I have to understand and grasp. Because though I hate human beings, I am awed by us. And from this, I love seeing how people exist and live. As such, I become aware that people have lives, separate from mine, that they live apart from me, and that's when other people become so much beautiful to me, due to the fact that they are not me, and that they can exist away from me.
So, when I initially meet a person, I feel so much abhorrence towards them. And in my mind, that puts them in a place wherein I need to know if my hatred for them is justified, and so I get to know them, and through familiarization with them, most of the times, fortunately, my hatred is not justified, and I grow to enjoy their presence, just as I hope they enjoy mine.
Learning who they are and debunking my initial impressions of them, I get to slowly know facets of their entirety. Dr. Garcia said that, and I paraphrase and condense, that it is through the encountering the Other that we understand that things do not necessarily come from us and that we can learn from them as well. Through this method, though it may seem cynical or pessimistic, I understand that I need others and others need me, because without either, we would each just assume that the world is made for us for our pleasure and that the Other is not important.
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