by Jechrist Ramos
This is a reflection after I’ve seen this video. I write about my personal experience as a struggling artist and a design student.
When I was filling out the forms to enter the Ateneo during my 4th year in high school, I was debating with myself what course to write down as my first choice; something in Management or something in Fine Arts. I’ve prepared for the entrance exams, but it seems like I did not prepare for the more important matter that would determine my life.
In the end, I was admitted to the school as a student of Information Design from the School of Humanities. It sounded so fancy, but for the first 2 years in the course, we didn’t do anything but take core subjects and theory classes. I was starting to doubt whether I made a right choice.
This line of thought led me to a time before college when people around my age thought that art courses were more or less useless. “Anyone can do that !@#$”, they would say. Even their description was harsh. Even my family kept asking and asking and asking me to rethink and rethink and rethink about my choice of taking BFA ID because it was not a practical choice.
Were they right?
Now that I’m a Junior, we’re already having studio classes where we have a “taste” of what designers really do. In addition, I’ve also started freelancing. After approximately 4 months of these, I can say to those people before, that “Anyone can do this !@#$... But with training and extreme mental effort”.
A designer’s task is to look at the obvious which, according to our philosophy class, is the invisible. Have you ever walked into a bookstore and wonder why a magazine suddenly snatches your attention? Have you ever wondered why it feels so engaging to just scroll down and read people’s posts in Facebook? Why is an apple used for the logo of Mac products? Are you merely looking but not really seeing? If you’ve thought of these questions and think designing is still easy, think again. There is no formula in designing. They give you principles, guides and Adobe Photoshop; but these are merely tools.
With the tools, we are free to create. The creative process is full of rough roads. I’m sure you’ve all experienced making a paper then suddenly stop. You forget what you want to say or you don’t know what ideas to add. In the arts, this is called a creative block. It is specific for the arts because blocks in (for example) the intellectual world work differently. In the sciences, when you’re stuck in an experiment, look up a book, or research more on the topic and you’ll somehow find a solution. You somehow have at least a vague idea where to go. In the arts, when you’re stuck after a well thought-of idea, you get so lost. The insight you have was yours through personal reflection. No one has thought of your idea but you because of your own personal reflection. So, the solution can only be found again in reflection.
A big part of the creative process focuses on reflection. You have to think and think and think before you can sketch or touch a computer. What is gained from this is insight (some people may call this inspiration) – the key to designing. It is a designer’s task to create a connection between an idea and a concept. The end result is that the audience can see a connection between a green, seductive siren and an aromatic, addictive coffee.
Now where does that spark come from? In the video, one of the poets that Elizabeth Gilbert interviewed described it as a hurling wind chasing her until she had grabbed and recorded it into a piece of paper. Elizabeth Gilbert calls it “genius” as it was named in Rome. It can also be God or Allah. Creativity is also something that we cannot fully grasp and understand. It just approaches you like that hurling wind which you do not know where it came from. All we can say is that it is some higher entity much bigger than ourselves. It makes us more humble.
Going back to my dilemma before college, okay, so I’ve already proven to myself that designing isn’t easy as most people think it is by experiencing it firsthand. But is it practical? According to the video, artists are normally the most mentally vulnerable. Society thinks that designing is a piece of cake and most are even clueless about the creative process. They tend to dismiss or sometimes even ignorant of the efforts and opinions of designers.
I’ve experienced taking lots of time researching, reflecting, making drafts and repeating these steps over and over again but still failed. It is depressing but I understand that it’s a part of the journey. But when I succeeded, I gained a new metaphysical unease. I started to fear like Elizabeth Gilbert. Is this going to be my best work ever? Will this be the end of my designing journey? It was one of those “I’m so happy that I start to fear losing it”.
The responsibility of designers for their works, that Elizabeth Gilbert describes, is too heavy for a human being’s psyche and ego. When I fail, what right does the world have to judge me for a failure when I’ve only done what the hurling wind or genius forced me to do? On the other hand, what right do I have to be so big-headed, when this higher entity helped me in doing my job? These experiences and thoughts have also plagued Van Gogh. The pressure caused extreme tension which made him cut off his own ear. Will all these hardships, including the probability of cutting off my own ear, be worth it? This is what I usually ask.
Maybe that question is wrongly asked. It is wrong because I can never know if it will be worth it or not. I cannot predict the future; nor can anyone else. I admit it isn’t the most practical profession because it will not produce that much money. I now rephrase the question. I knew BFA ID wouldn’t pay as much as BS ME in the long run. I knew it would also put a strain on my mentality. So why did I even consider it to be my first choice while I was looking at the admission forms of the Ateneo?
I guess my answer is love and passion for designing. This was the insight I’ve gained after watching the video of Elizabeth Gilbert. At the beginning, she mentioned writing being her love and passion. At the end, she expounded it into writing as the job she does, whether it would be an international sensation or not, because it is her love and passion. Yes, her intention in writing is not to be there for other people, but her love and passion resulted in this wonderful piece that eventually reached people.
I end this with a flashback when I was creating a logo for a company. The client was awful. She gave a vague description of what she wants and doesn’t answer my questions. I had multiple creative blocks. It took a lot of time of researching, sketching and reflecting. But when I finally gained that spark, that inspiration, that insight, it felt very strange and different. I forgot the horrible client, the frustrations, and the creative blocks. I think what I felt was similar to the Spanish dancer, described by Elizabeth Gilbert, who became transcendent and looked nothing near human; almost something divine. I felt that entity which was bigger than me. After finishing that logo, it took a long time again before I’ve felt that uplifting. I persevered because I wanted to taste that moment of transcendence again while doing what I love.
