Curfew

by Erika Cruz


It’s 1:00am. Dad is on his way to get me. Time to go home.

I’m already 20 years old but I still have a curfew and my friends tease me about it. Honestly, it pisses me off that I do not get to stay out with friends really late at night. But when my dad gives a curfew, it should be followed. If it entails him to be the one to get me and drive me home, then it shall be done. So this leads me to ask, “Where is my freedom?” “Why does dad have to be over protective?”

Don’t get me wrong. My dad is not totally an authoritative father and our relationship is at a level where I have found a friend in him. Since my dad and I are close enough to talk about almost anything, I had the courage to ask him during one of our random conversations in the car why he would always give me a curfew when technically I am already an adult.

He gently answered, “Anak, hindi kasi ako makatulog pag alam kong wala ka pa sa bahay.”

Aaaand his mask was off. That was dad answering me with his “strict/overprotective” mask off, showing his vulnerability. That answer allowed me to see beyond the strict voiced father on the phone asking me what time he should get me from an event. This was my father’s Face I was seeing, exposed and free of poses.
How do I respond to this?

As a daughter, my natural response to the over protectiveness of my father is to act in violence by picking a fight or by bombarding him with more questions. I could simply answer back, "Eh, puwede ka naman matulog na! You don't need to wait for me to get home!" However, if I allow myself to think about my dad, who in this case is the Other, another response can be that of acceptance and wonder. I just have to accept that trying to fully grasp the reason for my father’s "over protectiveness" will only lead me to be frustrated because it is something I will not experience until the possibility of becoming a parent is realized in my life.

By choosing to respond with acceptance, I was able to look back to my past experiences and realize how selfless my father had been. He did not need to wait for me to get home when I came home late from an event but he did. When my friends could have brought me home, he did not need to get me and be the one to drive me home but he still did even if he had a tiring day. By choosing to be ethical and not respond violently, I am made to see the truth. I am loved by my father.

Thus, even with a curfew, I am free. I may not have the kind of freedom that will allow me to choose whatever time I want to go home. But I do have the freedom to respond in love. Maybe some of you would say, “Binobola mo lang sarili mo” or that I am making excuses for my dad so that I will not feel miserable about having a curfew. Of course I’ll still try to get that curfew moved to a later time and hopefully get rid of it in the future. But for now, the best way to handle this is to see beyond my father’s actions and try to communicate openly as much as possible. It is the only way for me to really see my dad face to face and to also remind myself that beyond his role as a father and protector in my life, he is fundamentally a human being who loves. It is only when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable to one another that we are able to see rightly without judgement or pretense... It is only then we are able to truly love.