All their lives, all the time, just…how do you stop seeing it?
The discussion about substitution last Thursday reminded me of one of the most heartbreaking scenes in Stephen Chbosky’s book and film, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Charlie, the eponymous wallflower, goes into therapy for sexual abuse at the near-end of the movie. He asks his doctor how to “stop it”, and when his doctor requests that Charlie clarify (“Stop what?”), this is Charlie’s response:
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| credit goes to kingblaine.tumblr.com |
When you love other people, you will always want to see them smiling, laughing, having absolutely no care in the world. You will always want what’s best for them, for them to reach their dreams and have the best life possible. But sadly, the world does not run on Disney scripts, and we can’t all have happy endings. We get hurt over and over again. Watching at the sidelines as this cruel world unleashes sadness and pain onto the people you love is the most difficult thing you could ever experience. You want nothing more than to take that pain away and see your loved ones smile and be happy again, to the point that you look up, raise your arms towards the sky and yell: “Don’t hurt them! Hurt me instead!”
Levinas’ concept of substitution is not merely about replacing the Other with yourself in order to feel what they feel. It’s not about needing to help, but rather about desiring to help. Substitution is, at the core of it all, about standing for the Other. It involves bringing solace to the Other through your own humanity, helping the Other carry his weight, sacrificing your own comforts, your own self. Substitution is not trading your place for the Other, being the Other, but rather drawing the Other near. Ultimately, it is not about being hurt instead of them, but rather helping them through their hurt, knowing full well that you’re being hurt as well.
We must accept that the world is a brutal and unpleasant place to be, and that those we love are sometimes weak and are definitely finite. We are only human, after all, flawed and imperfect and jagged and maybe even broken. As long as we breathe, there will be failure and pain and despair everywhere. But being human is not about being perfect. It’s about taking the hand of the others around you, loving them, hoping with them, and comforting them through this vicious yet equally beautiful world. It’s about bearing each other’s burdens, helping each other through each heartache, one breath at a time. It’s about picking the pieces up of your selves together, making it up as you go along.
I don't remember what session it was, but there was this time in class Doc G mentioned something about how we human beings are finite, yet we are also capable of creating and sharing something infinite. That really moved me. It's hard to explain... until now, I cannot completely grasp it, yet I understand it and feel it.
ReplyDeleteI think that is what human nature is. We know of it, but we will never know enough and we're constantly grappling with so many ideas and experiences. I've always thought that to be human, you need to attain certain levels and experiences in life, as if it were a video game; to move on you need to get this or that first.
As Doc G said himself, we cannot "garapon-ate" people, and we certainly cannot "garapon-ate" the things we come up with. The world we live in is just so vast and scary and cutthroat that the only thing keeping us moving forward is desire.
Desire is testament of our humanity, since we are capable of surpassing the "default setting" hardwired into us (from Ph 101). Yes the world is intimidating, fun, heartbreaking, exciting-- it's everything in one go, but for us long as we have the desire, the drive and willingness to help others, and also ourselves I believe, then the world will constantly be rebuilding and strengthening itself.
Krista Agbayani Ph 102 - C