Initiative

by Kris Calalang

Love is as love does not only as love received.

What has been a week of acceptance and rejections has been a meaningful week to me as well. As I have attended Dr. Angeles talk about love, and having recently read the article of Scott Peck about love also, I have come to see it in a new light.

First of all, as Doc G. said, we must be thinking-feeling beings. Especially when it comes to this, we must constantly think and we must constantly feel. It is never enough to just think, because without the feeling, it will be a sort of objectification( I don't think you will be thinking about it at all), while if it is all feeling and no thinking, the things you will do will be reckless, harming not only you but also the Other. The moment we decide to love however, there is this one question we must ask ourselves, and perhaps this is the most basic question, "Are we prepared to accept the Other? No matter what will happen, no matter what changes?". This is one of the most difficult questions to answer since this question is full of uncertainty. We do not know what will happen in the future, but if we are sure in ourselves that we can handle that change then so be it. Now think about the people who are closest to you, your family, your closest friends and maybe a romantic partner, do you not feel that you can accept them however they may change. And when there is reciprocity, we let our guard down and we let these people see our Face. We present our whole selves, knowing the Other will accept us, and we will accept them.

But that is only the first step, answering the question is never enough, what is needed and probably what is the most important thing of all is action. From thinking-feeling Beings to thinking-feeling-willing Beings. It is as Dr. Angeles said, we must not wait to be loved, we must be the one loving. There is this tendency, and I admit that I did so too, that we tend to wait for other people to love us instead of trying to love people as a start. If we want to become friends with someone or to stay friends with someone, we don't wait for that someone to love us, we love them by doing stuff for them, like a simple help in their problems, or maybe giving them a push they need. A simple act can go so far. And even if the someone does not reciprocate do not fear, do not regret that you have loved someone. As in our lesson of the responsibility of the Other, the Other's responsibility of you is their own affair, what is important is for you to be responsible to the Other. Loving is its own reward, and you will be surprised that it is much much more reciprocated than not.
And a last reminder (since Valentine's Day did just pass) for those who have a special someone or plan to ask their special someone out in the near future, do not be afraid to take the leap after thinking about it. As philosophers may not be constrained by time, time still does go on for everyone. Just do it. "Lundagin mo" bago pa mahuli ang lahat.