Love Responsibly

by Cinta Posadas


Because it is that time of year.

I am generally a very “cheesy” person -- I get kilig quite easily and I am a sucker for romantic-comedies, silly love songs, and sweet nothings. Which is why I couldn’t help but smile when we learned about Levinas’ concept of “Responsibility as Substitution”. This substitution refers to us being responsible for the faults and sufferings of the Other.

Levinas says that there is nothing voluntary about this substitution, meaning it is not our choice to be responsible for the Other, it just happens. Think of it as when someone asks you, “Why do you even like him/her?”, and you simply say, “I just do.” *insert kilig moment here* It is in this liking or being attracted to another that the Other has made a “claim” on us. It is as if we have become “prisoners of love”, in a way -- “the Other has already claimed me”. A romantic notion, don’t you think?

You've already won me over in spite of me /

 And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet 

And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are / I couldn't help it / It's all your fault

(“Head Over Feet” by Alanis Morissette)

We have to take charge of the sufferings and faults of the Other, meaning we have to be responsible for things that we did not commit. It is the fault of the Other, and not ours, that the Other is the way the Other is -- someone we think of as “the one” for us, someone we want to spend time with, be with, and grow old with. *insert another kilig moment here* And as Levinas calls us to be responsible for the Other, he also tells us that we actually have to be in action in that words are not enough. It is not enough to think about doing something for the Other, it is not enough to say you will do something for the Other. We have to put our thoughts and words into action.

“Love is not
 merely the uttering of words but in doing.”

Spread the love...the Levinas way. This season of “lovey-dovey-ness” be responsible. Take responsibility and act upon your thoughts about that certain someone you’ve been eyeing all this time. Gather up the courage and ask him out for lunch or dinner. Surprise her by cooking her favorite dish. Join him in playing his favorite video game or sport. Sing her a song or ask her to dance. Take the chance and show the Other how you feel.