Inconsistency of the Self

by Andrew Gallardo

The past week has not been an easy one for me. A lot of things happened. And once again, I let the time flew past me without cherishing some of the moments in it. Though right now I am not supposed to write how I long for a carefree life, or how I wish to live a day without worrying about any duties or obligations, for in reality, I have long accepted the truth that I have chosen this busy life, and consequently, the stressful lifestyle that comes along with it. Rather, I wish to share the actualization of the learning that I had from my philosophy class. The concept called the “Duality of Self” by Rene Descartes.

The “Duality of Self” concept ascertains that men are formed of two entities- that of the body called Res Extensa and the soul called Res Cogitans. It is the soul that is the indubitable “I”, and the body is the extension of this certain “I”. Now I would not reiterate and discuss all the points of Rene Descartes here, for with all certainty, I know a lot of people knows more than I do in terms of his Philosophy. But I am just perplexed at the mystery of this “dual” self- of how he tries to separate the concept of body and soul. Does that mean that a body and soul is distinct and separate? Can they live apart from each other? Is it possible to “live” even of just one of them is possessed?

And unexpectedly, amidst a normal day for a person with a lifestyle made out of routines, there was a sudden realization that made me understood this concept of “Dual self”. While doing my marketing paper past midnight last Thursday, when everyone at home were already sleeping (or at least I though they were for they were already in their rooms), there occurred in me an urge to sleep. My eyes were starting to close even though I do not will it to be. My body was already starting to relax on my soft bed even though my laptop was still on my lap. And I was starting to give in to the seduction of my body. Until I remembered my marketing paper. And I remembered how much effort our group exerted just to have even a little data for our paper. I could not let them down, I thought. They counted on me and for sure, they were doing their part too. But most of all, I could not let my parents down by giving them a failing or a barely passing grade despite all the efforts they exerted just to send me to a good school.

At that particular moment, I was lost within myself. I was caught in between of two wills of myself. A part of me wanted to sleep and relax even just for a night because I have been sleeping only for 5 to 6 hours for the past couple of days, but a part of me whispered that it is not the right thing to do at the moment. And perhaps this is the concretization of Descartes “Dual Self”. My body longs for a sleep, yet my soul reminds me of my obligation in this world.

Being limited as we are, perhaps we just have to live with this two wills inside of us. In this world, it is so easy to fall to bodily desires- sex, wealth, power and a lot of excessive vices. It is part of our imperfect being. Yet, we must, at least, seek and learn to balance these with the calling of our soul. I dare not to be adventurous and try to remove myself from this body so that I would no longer have bodily passions, wills or desires, for God knows how I love to live a life inside my comfort zone. And I honestly believe that these malicious desires do not all come from the body- there is an unexplainable calling too to fall out of these desires as much as there is a calling to do good. Perhaps the best that I can do is to just make these two being within me reconcile and unite in doing well. It is all about practice, maybe. And it would take time.